SHORTCHANGED Vagina -
When the woman is extremely sexy and beautiful. She moves the right way, smells good, and ooooozes sensuality. However, when it comes to sex, she has no clue! She's like a bump on a log. The very thought of stroking this vagina can make you cum before it's time. She talks a good game but CANNOT walk the talk. When she tries to guide your penis into her vagina, she cuts it with her nails.
By the time you get another boner, her vagina is dry and feels like sandpaper. By the time you get in, you find out that your penis is too big for her short vagina. When you go to lick the vagina you find out that it is a little tart and now you start thinking to yourself, "how can such a fine woman be so feeble?" Undaunted, you decide that you're going to make the best of a bad situation and get your rocks off when she says "don't cum in me because I'm not taking anything."
What a waste.
SWEET LIPS Vagina -
This is substitute vagina. She sucks major penis like a pro. She sucks it so good that your knees buckle to the point where you wanna pass out. It was good enough to make you look for something to hold onto. She can suck the chrome off of a car's bumper. Then she slips your penis into her vagina and you realize that her mouth was much better.
You try to maneuver your penis back to her mouth any way you possibly can. But no cigar. So, you just go in the corner of the bedroom...and cry.
YES MA'AM Vagina -
This is the kind of vagina your mother warned you about! This vagina is often misjudged because of the owners meek mannerisms.
She is quiet, reserved, caters to your every whim and shows no inkling of the treasure that lies between her thighs. She seems to be a scholarly type but not quite prudish. You think to yourself "I'm gonna tear this vagina up." Only to find that she was only playing possum.
You were so caught off guard that your whole f**king plan needed instant revision. She was your equal, having as much game as you. You must give her props, realizing that you came within a bat's eyelash of having your brains f**ked out.
Gentleman, be wary of this vagina and be prepared. Your best defense is a good offense and a long stiff thick penis with staying power.
THUNDER THIGHS Vagina (THE Vagina YOU'RE GETTING FROM
SOMEONE WHO IS NOT YOUR WOMAN) -
Men who have cheated on their woman temporarily can say, "AMEN" to this class of vagina.
Men, this is the class of vagina that makes you cry and confess to your woman, you f**ked someone else. The Thunder Thighs vagina made you want to tell somebody. Thunder Thighs vagina is in a class of its own. Thunder Thighs vagina will make you look and feel different about the vagina you got at home.
Thunder Thighs vagina makes you bust several nuts (i.e.,multiple orgasms). Makes you cry and you have no clue as to why. This vagina is so intense, when it is wrapped around your penis or your face it sends you into a trance. She has a smooth, undulating motion, constantly asks you if your comfortable, you started at 6PM and it is now going on 9PM and she is not tired and her vagina ain't sloppy yet. She sucks on your penis and savors it like you're the main course meal. She sensuously flicks the head of your penis with her tongue like a lollipop.
By now you're in shock and forget about your woman. When you're back with your woman, you're wondering why she can't perform like Thunder Thighs vagina. You even have the nerve to get mad and then instruct her to do what Thunder Thighs did to you.
Thunder Thighs vagina will have you searching for her in the daytime with a flashlight. Period.
THE STALKER Vagina -
This is the vagina that pisses you off the most. You see, the woman you boned for a fling or as a favor keeps coming back like a bad cold. Pops up when you least expect it.
If she has a bad day at work, she "stalks your penis." If she, has a bad meal, "she stalks your penis." If she has a bad hair day, she "stalks your penis." If she sees an ex, she "stalks your penis." No matter what, she "stalks your penis."
It is easy to tell if the woman you're with falls into this category. She always uses phrases like these when she is f**king you: "DON'T RUN FROM THIS vagina." "DIS SUM GOOD vagina right?" " TELL ME YOU LIKE THIS vagina." "WHAT IS MY NAME?" "WHO'S penis IS THIS?" "TALK TO ME DADDY, I DON'T HEAR YOU TALKING SHIT NOW," and finally, "I KNOW YOU LIKE IT WHEN YOU IN THIS vagina!"
TUNA Vagina -This is the vagina that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. You can recognize it easily because she may have cats and flys swarming around her, or everybody at the local pub knows her name.
When you walk into a room, you know she is there or was there. This is a very, VERY dangerous vagina. The problem is that the babe is fine and you ain't had no vagina in a long while. The dog in you wants some vagina. You know that this vagina is experienced and could put a hurt on you in more ways than one.
This is the vagina you don't want anyone to know you sampled. You DON'T EAT this vagina. After you sample this vagina, you immediately take a shower or at the very least scrub your penis in the sink with some disinfectant.
WATERING HOLE Vagina -
This is good convenient vagina. The Understanding vagina. The no lets Just do it vagina. The Easy vagina. The vagina you can call when your body needs a fix. She gives you major head like SWEET LIPS vagina, and f**ks you like THUNDER THIGHS vagina. Only thing is, you do not have a woman so you're not feeling guilty. Whenever you call, this vagina is ready. Her vagina craves your penis. This vagina is available in any place at anytime.
21 Gun salute.
GODDAMN Vagina -
Men, now this is vagina that will definitely send you to hell if you're not married to it. This vagina is just like YES MA'AM and THUNDER THIGHS vagina. Her vagina is snug, not too tight, and juicy.
She can accommodate larger than average size penis. She has good control of her vagina muscles which can make any size penis feel like at home.
This vagina makes you numb, cry and pray all at the same time. While you are giving it to her doggy style or with you laying down and she sits on top of you, you look towards the heavens and say, "COTDAMN THIS IS SOME GOOD vagina!!!"
* AMAZON Vagina * -
Gentlemen, this is the gold mine vagina.
This vagina is the vagina that you commit yourself too.
You do not cheat on it and you keep it a well kept secret. In fact, you constantly crave and feign for this vagina.
When you get this vagina, you go through convulsions.
This is the vagina that makes you READY even when you ain't.
You call in sick from work for it.
This vagina is so major, it is YES M'AM vagina, WATERING HOLE vagina, THUNDER THIGHS vagina and GODDAMN vagina all in one!
This is the vagina that you want to put insurance on, just in case anything should happen to it.
This vagina makes you stutter while speaking and has you nervous for no reason.
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