Express your thoughts Freely.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Why single guys don’t gravitate toward single moms

Give me a min let me check on my kid; o I got to call you back he/she is crying.
Well it would have bin a great experience but only if I could make it, I have to take my son swimming on the week end, or my daughter to ballet class. These are just a few of the parses that kills it for a single person who is hoping to go out with a single parent

Over the years I have focus on the different types of relationships and at one point even vowed not to date a woman that has a kid for many reasons. I know allot of females will not agree with all that I got to say, but it’s just my thoughts that I am sharing from a single male’s perspective.

SHARED ATTENTION

Over the past 20 years I have came to the realization that guys love allot of attention more than we even think we might do. And when that attention is not given we feel left out and my even start looking else where for that attention, not that we don’t respect the others feelings, but there is apart of us that is not been satisfied, and in our effort to get that void filled we might do stupid thing such as cheating.
When a woman goes through the process of having a child their whole mentality changes, believe it or not it does. They become so focus on the kid they even forget at times that they have a man.
I do love and respect the fact that women have a bond with their kid I do, don’t get me wrong, and I applaud each and every mom, for the great job they do on a daily basis.

I have personal experiences with dating a single mom and that was not the best thing to have done in that case, taking into consideration that every individual is different.

So I was a part time student in college and I worked full time as a Staff Accountant at a firm in the Empire state building, one day after work me and a couple of my coworkers, decided to have a drink at a night spot in the city, so we all went to have a good time, and I so happen to pounce upon a very beautiful young lady.

We started up a conversation which by all account well beautifully well, so my co-workers were about to leave so I decided to leave as well. Just before I was about to leave I saw that she pulled out her phone so I look at her and smiled, then she handed it to me, on the screen I saw a really cute kid, so I was really wondering if that was her little brother or it was really her son, Anyways I stored my number in her phone and exited the club.

A couple of hours passed and I got home, I realized that I have a missed call she called. Just to let her wait and build up her expectations, I did not call her back until the next day. We had a great conversation and we started going out.


KID BEING A PROBLEM

So we started going and making love at the time that was great, the kid was on vocation with his dad, suddenly the kid was back home.

Now I get out of work at seven and get to school and then I get out of school at 10.now I go home and I need some attention and some satisfaction and here comes the kid running in the room, then she has to leave to put him back to bed, this continued for several months no sex because when the kid finally fall asleep I am also asleep too, then she is going to complain saying I am not good, I never wait until the kid falls asleep, I am like woman you are crazy I get up early in the morning for work.

So I moved back on campus just to get a good night sleep. So one day I am at work and she so happens to call and talking about the kid. Being the cool dude that I am I never complain about the kid even when it kills me. A few minutes went by and she asked when I am going to take the kid to the aquarium, I am shocked back for a moment so I asked what! And my reply was that, that’s his father’s job right there not mines, we are just dating we are not going steady or committed to each other. That’s kind of too much.I know if you are a regular reader of my column and so happens to like me, you may not like me anymore if you really read into it too much.

Take into consideration that I was 18 year of age in my third year in college that was just too much for me. I know for females that answer is so wrong and it maybe too hard of an answer but I am being totally honest that’s what came out of my mouth.
Well after I thought about what I had said I came to the realization that I should not have said it, but the damage was already done. And I was sorry.

DON’T GET ME WRONG I LOVE KIDS


READY MAID FAMILY

Each and every one has a choice in life, at times our feelings help us make up out mind as to the person we will choose to be with for the rest of our lives.

Whenever a woman gets pregnant for a guy I think the hope is that they going to be together forever, however this is not always the case more than 50% of the time, they relationship end.

From a single man perspective, I would like to be the first one to have a kid by my wife. When this happen we are both as exited, however in the case where the woman already has a kid, it will be just like another thing for her, she wont be as exited as I am, so I think the we as men should know what were are getting into before we go getting the young ladies impregnated and them leaving them to all the discrimination that comes with being a single mom.

If I had to make the choice base on sitting here at my desk and writing I would not choose to date a girl with a kid. However I had the same thought when I met the girl I mention earlier, and I did went ahead and dated her, and also I met a another females this week and has a kid and I do like her, o should I say liked her.

BONDING WITH THE KID

When a man and a woman decide to engage in a relationship, if either brings a child from a previous relationship that new partner has to create a bond with the kid and that’s often not easily done at all.

This however has to do with the age of the kid; the younger the kid is the easier it is to form a connection. However if the kid is not that young and understand whats happening on his life, it could be a great problem in the relationship. For one they will have a feeling that the new person is trying to replace their mom/dad, and that will caused a very big problem. I grew up with a stepfather that I did not like a bone in his body so I have first hand experience of this. Even though he was there from before I even know myself. And things got even worst as I grew up and become more aware of the world.

The worst case scenario is if and when we do form a connection with the kid and all is great and we fall so in love with the kid and them suddenly and relationship comes to an end. Now we are devastated because we have fell so much in love with the kid that we can’t believe that we have to be a bystander now looking in from the outside. Having no say in that child's life, then we also has to deal with the loss of the first love which is the man/woman. So here we are few year in the relationship and suddenly is ends. Now we are not just loosing a lover we are loosing two, the kid and the parent, so we are twice as distraught.

The effect on the kid is even more devastated, at first it was there parent, now they had and new mom/dad and they are gone, and then by the time you know it, the kid has someone new in their lives. Confused as hell and not wanting to fall in love with the new person, because guess what, they might be the next one to hurt heir feelings.

I personally think this create a psychological effect on the kid, and a lack of trust. No kid should have to live through this ordeal. Its just not fair to the kid, so I want to come to a conclusion and get over this blog we as males need to be more responsible and take our jobs as fathers and try our best not to mess with no one who we will not consider for our wife.Thought just come rushing through my head and I really feel like writing until I fall asleep.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Why some kids choose jail over school(black men in prison)

Why some kids choose jail over school.


I was at work one day having lunch with my manager and a co-worker, to my surprise we were having a conversation about prisons, and I had no idea about it so I just listened for most of the conversation.

Them I back tracked down memory lane, came to the realization that I knew a few people who have bin to jail before and one who is in jail and will spend the rest of his life in jail.

We all know the amount of black men in jail cannot be compared. And this rate seem to never decline, so I took it upon my self to really examine why this I so.
The history of the black race shows a life of long struggle and hardship.
This is also evident in other races but for some reason it seems to stand out the most in the black race.

And this is not only in the united state I have lived in England and it’s the same. I am very fortunate to be from a family who has never have a member been incarcerated for a day of even a min.

I have bin in very poverty stricken areas and the rate of crime is very high, people rob and kill just to have food on their tables, and sometime end up in jail, but I would have to say I can see with people who do that just for food, however I don’t agree with it, and I am not a supporter of people taking other peoples live in no way or form for no particular reason.

But the striking contract is that the poverty level in the United States is no way as close to some of these countries, but the amount of men in jail in the united state in very much higher. Also the educational opportunity in the state is very much easier that some of the place in the world. I am not saying that the public school system is the best, but its way better that some countries, I grew up in Jamaica and I had to pay for school from kindergarten all the way up until college, while in the united state you can go to public schools for free in even get a free meal yet allot of people don’t take advantage of such opportunities.

Having this conversation with this kid and ask him why does he always get himself in so much trouble, why doesn’t he stay in school? He told me they give him three meals a day when he went to jail, but when he goes to school they only give him one.

I was so shock my mouth was left hanging for amount a minute (luckily no flies were flying around)

So this kid goes in the street just to look trouble get locked up se he could go to jail to get three meals a day.

Even until this day I can’t come to terms with this, it’s such an immoral mentality. How about you go to school so you can one day provide for yourself?

Black males are being imprisoned at an alarming and unprecedented rate. Out of the now more than 11 million Black adult males in the U.S. population, nearly 1.5 million are in prisons and jails with another 3.5 million more on probation or parole or who have previously been on probation or parole. Black males make up the majority of the total prison population, and due to either present or past incarceration is the most socially disenfranchised group of American citizens in the country today.

Whit these black men in prison, who is going to be the role, model in the black community? I am tired of mothers rising up kids on heir own, I have to say my mom did it not because my dad was in prison, but merely because we was just not there for us, moms do a great job at this, but however with both parent at home the kid will be more rounded and learn how to treat a woman, and ending up being a better men in life.

I was watching a program and they gave a quote that said that 70% of black women are single, that to me was a very big surprise, where are the black men?

Can someone tell me; o I forget they are all in prison.

And the number one reason is for fast cash, no one wants to go to work and sit for 7 hours and ear an honest living, and live a free life, it’s that so hard to do.
You get a free high school education and yet it’s so hard just to continue school. I really don’t understand, other places in the world you have to pay your full college tuition, you have no financial assistant from the state or federal government.

That’s why I am a firm believe in travelling, when we go to other places and see how other people live, with the little resources they have they will learn to appreciate what they have.

I am just outright tired of this kind of mentality that we as black men have, this fast money mentality has taken us no where and yet we cant seem to learn.

I hope that now that we have a black president that at least one person who believed that he could not become what he dreamed to be, will change that thought and work hard on their goals. It’s a simple formula that has bin around for a very long time that always seems to work, its HARD WORK BRING SUCCESS.

My entire school life I recited this poem just to keep focus.

Height by great me reached and kept we not attained by sudden flight, buy they while their companion slept were tiling upwards through the night.

My uncle sent me this poem in a letter once and until this day I have that letter and I never forget that poem. This is about 15 years ago.

The moral of that story is that whatever you want in life you just have to work for it. As the height suggest that achievement, is determined by the amount of work you put in.
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