Express your thoughts Freely.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Reasons for Cheating

Like any other profession it takes time and effort to develop cheating skills which we all at some point failed miserable at, but some may say why cheat anyways it’s a very selfish act on your part. You’re such a dick why would you do that to someone you love?

When men have affairs, they tend to be motivated by sex — new sex, more sex, different sex. Women cheat for many reasons: companionship, romance, more security, and, of course, sex. But are men’s motivations really that simple? No. Even for men, cheating is far more complex.

Studies show most men who cheat want to experiment sexually and experience the rush associated with “new sex.” This is their way of prolonging indefinitely the early and intoxicating phase of infatuation in a relationship. But men also have affairs to either avoid intimacy, recover their lost youth, or escape an unhappy marriage.
Men who fear intimacy will have affairs to maintain power in their relationships. If a man doesn't commit to his lover, he controls his level of vulnerability. Some men cheat in fact to avoid any real intimacy. Intimacy scares them, so they distance themselves from their wives by cheating on them and they don’t get emotionally involved with their lovers. This way they never have to trust their partners or rely on them. This kind of man may also fear conflict.

Then there are men who will strike up an affair when they start to feel the fear and loss that comes with aging. They realize they are no longer young and invulnerable, so they have an affair to deny that they are getting old. Finding someone who is “young and new,” makes them feel more youthful.
Biologists believe men cheat by the Darwinian instinct to spread their genetic seed to more mates (whereas women would one mate to get protection and support). However, since more women are cheating, this suggests that they felt societal pressure in the past to suppress their sexual desires. There also may be another reason men are more likely to stray: environment. Psychologically speaking, men who cheat are often the child of an adulterer. They are repeating behavior that they know and looking to correct that feeling that no one ever loved only them.

Why do women cheat? The simple answer is because they hurt. They have pain related to loneliness, the rejection and betrayal of a cheating spouse, an unexciting and unsatisfactory relationship, or feeling poorly about themselves.

Why do women cheat? Because of emotional needs not met and the hurt that accompanies this lack. Is it sometimes just physical lust? Occasionally, but I do not see much of this.

Loneliness is one of the primary reasons that women seek out affairs or are susceptible to advances. Women who are in an unsatisfactory relationship may feel even lonelier than if they were still single. A partner who is over involved with his work or hobby may severely limit the attention and admiration he gives to his mate.

She then feels unattractive, uncared for, and hopeless about getting her needs met. While this is a reason for working harder on the relationship, not seeking relief from another man, it is easy to understand the pain that makes the whole thing possible.

And then there is Revenge. I am seeing much more of this as a motive in recent years. Today's woman is not willing to just sit still and "take it." Unfortunately, the "eye for an eye" approach has become more acceptable and a woman who feels betrayed and rejected may well return the favor.

Sometimes a woman needs only to hold a suspicion that her partner is cheating to be susceptible. She may have painful memories from other, earlier relationships in her life, and she may have an expectation of being hurt in this one, as well. This is where a "self fulfilling prophecy" can take over and create pain for everyone.

One reason for a woman's affair is similar to one for men: boredom. An unsatisfying, dull, and predictable relationship that is not growing in depth can make the excitement of a new relationship very attractive.

The affair is not only exciting due to the new person involved, but also to the whole experience of sneaking around and hiding it. This can be a huge adrenaline rush. It's not saying it too strongly to say that it can even be mildly addictive. Women who have multiple affairs may be experiencing this kind of stimulus.

For I have come to the conclusion base on my research that men is the real reason women cheat. It’s this justifiable no but they still do it, so I am wondering why is it that males play such big part in the breakdown of relationships.

I have also realized that when a male cheat its not as bad as when a females cheat as their reason vary and are more emotionally driven that male is. Males often cheat for sex and the rush of a new and exciting thing. While on the other hand females tend to cheat for emotional satisfaction which is more severe than cheating for sex in my view. Two bad never makes it right so for women to cheat because the male cheat it really immature and childish (don’t kill me for saying that lol) I understand your hurting I am in no way saying the male is right to cheat, but going out and cheating on him does not mean it better. The other thing that women do is that they cheat on makes with someone close to home, your friend your brother, its usually someone you know which tend to hurt even more. With that said I would also conclude that females are better at doing it that we are.

Have you been cheated on? Were you wiling to forgive your partner and continue with the relationship? Did It work out in the long run?

I have been cheated on and I tried to forgive but for nothing it could not work, I lost trust and once that was out the door it was like trying to push water up an hill without a pump.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

My Near death Experiences

One Sunday morning about 6 am, my older brother and I went to the beach to take a swim. I was about the age of 12 and could not swing or float to save my life, however I love the water. My brother though that I could swim. All this time but in reality I could not. So he said lets go way out and I said.

He replied
“Why not”
So I turned to him and say I can’t swim
“What you can’t what, all this time I though you could swim”
I replied “well now you know I can’t”
I being smart at all time said to him,” I never seen the fish walking the shores so I don’t need to swim”

They guy had a big smile on his face. I though that would be the end of the discussion but to my surprised it was not it was the beginning of my near death experience.

So here I was at shore, do my little thing, suddenly I felt my brother pick me up like a kid,

Me-no man put me down.

That he ignored, and tossed me live a base ball further out in the water. I was so frightened that I took in all the water on the beach of water in my mouth.

Before I could regain my footing and fill the sea back up the all that water. He got me once more and tossed me ever further I was screaming like a kid (o yeah I was a kid). Not in a good way, I am cursing all sorts of things.

He repeated this for like 5 minutes not allowing me to catch my breath, so the last time he sailed me like a Frisbee by one leg about 20feet out, when my face hit the water it hurt so much I felt as though I just dive in an empty pool head first.

but this the sixth time was very different from the prior 5 five I was exhausted, drained, when I tried to stand there was no reef to stand on it was too deep so I panicked after trying to keep my head above water for about two minutes failed I gave up I was like this is it, looking at my brother some feet back begging him for help to save my life I am dying all he did was laugh, not knowing I was about to take my last breath, no he is just having fun watching me drown, and them some guys on the beach was like you stupid guy don’t you see the kid dying. When I herd that I was dying from that guy I don’t know where it came from but got the strength to stay above the water for about two more seconds and that’s when he came and got me, when he took me to shore I was so unconscious and pale looking.

That’s was only the first time, the second time in Jamaica called the James Bond Beach with a group of friends. When we arrived we were greeted my lifeguards and other security personnel. To give us a brief, they had warned us not to go to this particular party of the beach because it was very dangerous.

Off course as teenagers that went through the next ear, we did not choose to listen to him, as for that matter that was the most beautiful part of the beach with palm trees and nice white sands lined the whole walk. I was one of the most beautiful sights I have seen. While they were there giving the brief I was there cracking jokes, so when they told us to have a great day and be safe, me and my friend when to the side were we told not to go. So every one were jumping over the security rope and having fun doing it, well all chased to the beautiful Chrystal clear water, every one dived in, so I did also because that I could not resist.

To my surprise, the reason we were told not to go to that spot was that they were working on that part of the beach and had taken some of the sand out, so there was this big hole in the water. So when I dive in I looked up to the surface and realized that it was taking longer than I had expected to return to the surface, so I did panic and I managed to make it to the surface and said help!

My friends started to laugh, they though I was joking but I was really serious I really needed help. so I could not maintain a balance so I went down once more and managed to surfaced once again I said I am serious I need help, this time they even find it more funny and laugh even harder.

My body was so tired in my effort to stay afloat; I was completely drained so I got the strength I don’t know where it came from to make it to the surface once more and my friend Richard Smiles held my hand and I managed to get out. He did not even had to take two steps to get to me we were that near to each other, it guess it does not pay to be the joker of the bunch because when your dying every one will think its another silly joke your cracking.

Until this day they all don’t believe, the thing is they were so near to me and they though it could not be that deep where I was because they were standing comfortably. So I can say I learned my lesson or did it as I still don’t know how to swim. But one thing I take away from my lesson was that we should fallow instructions even if we think they may be stupid.

Monday, February 1, 2010

When did I become a pussy?

I am starting to think this is not for me at all, I have made a enormous effort to be the best man I could be and I am starting to think that my effort has gotten me in a corner in which I will be easily taken for granted. About for years ago I decide that I will never put my trust in another human ever again but that all changed when I met this young lady, I decided to be the best man I could have ever been until this day when I prove the theory that treat then like dogs they treat you like king its real I have proven it over and over again.

Or maybe just maybe the fucking love thing is really not for me at all, after I spent i year and a half weathering the storm of her failed relationship with her and being a good friend the best friend I could be and were ever in my life. I feel as though all my time was time not well spent and for that matter wasted. Now how do I look back from this point on, where do I turn, with whom do I share my pain? I am currently feeling like a fish out of water lost in translation. Is this your definition of love? If that’s the case I don’t want to be in love ever in my life. Normally I am not really the patient person with her I was patient very patient I must add but now I have seen that being the bad guy really paid off and being the all nice cool guy just simple don’t work.

Then the question all came back to me is there any nice guys out there? You really want to know what happened to them, no they are not all taken, I have to agree some are taken but some went bad not because they want to but because of girls like you. Who had a guy good but never taken the time out to appreciate what you have and always thinking the grass is always greener on the other side, now you find out that is not greener its just has a different shades of green, what now, where now? Who is next ?

written about 3 years ago.