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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Dear Dad.( Or should I say sperm donor)

At the tender age of 8 years old when they had kidnapped you after meeting you for the first time about two months before and totally in love with you for reason I cant seem to explain or understand. I guess Robert Green Law of Isolation hold through. The love I felt for you was unreal not in a GAY way but of a father to a son. I cried night and day and prayed that those guys would have let you go alive.

I cried so much that I had constant headache, I could not come to term with the fact that I just met you and was loosing you so fast. I would not eat or sleep all I did was stand by the phone to hear my grandmother call with good new while bracing myself for the bad news also. Neither came and I could not take it anymore, my mom was sick of me crying and decided that she would take me to my grandma house so at least I could shut the hell up. When I got to the house I noticed that everyone was moving fast and nothing I could have comprehend at that time was said, I felt as though I was in a maze.

Finally I went inside and my Grandma sitting with tears running from he eyes, I could not help but tear up myself as grandpa looked on as studios and he always looked. Word finally broke that you had somehow escaped and run away from your kidnappers. How? I have no clue, but one thing I knew is that I was happy.

All this time I wondered why mom never showed any sympathy for you and asked me why the hell was I even crying, but I guess I was too young to understand that you were just a good for nothing piece of shit. (her words not mines) but when your young all you want to see is your mom and dad being happy and enjoying the beauty of life, not knowing that things was already gone bad in the relationship and you had broken up with her before I was even born. How sweet of you MR. Jackson how sweet!!

While I was in the 5th grade one day I went to the cooler in school to get some water, it so happen that me and this dude got there the same time I decided that I got there first, he was not having it and even though he was in a higher grade I had not planning on backing down. There we were fighting at the cooler almost killing each other. The principal summoned us to her office and punished us by locking us in a dark room. When that was done she called in our parents.

My mom and his did supposedly would be there to represent us, on that lovely Monday morning I was yet again pleasantly surprised by your cleverness for lack of a mean word.
Your turned up as this kid dad, to my surprise I was having a fight with my bother, yeah I said that my brother. Couldn’t you have at least have decency to at least introduce us to each other? No you were too clever MR. Jackson.

15 years later I sit at my desk remembering all these things and I now can laugh about them, even though I and that brother never have a relationship of any sort I still value that day. As fathers day rolls around I wonder how you felt to know that not even one of your kid as much as called you or sent you a card. Doesn’t it feel good Mr. Jackson?
You and I never ever had a sun and father moment which I have grown to accept but that day we had a…….. To be continued...

12 comments:

Nola Darling said...

Wow... that was an amazing story...

Andhari said...

Oh Jermaine, I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to understand how hurtful it must felt. It takes a strong man to finally try to move on and survive from this kind of disappointment :(

Crystal Monae said...

That was powerful to read but more powerful that you were able to share your pain. Let that be your fuel to be a great father.

Coogie Cruz said...

Tis reminded me of The Kite Runner for some reason...probably just the part not knowing he was your brother that whole time. It's so sad to read this especially knowing it's more common than we would like to admit. But kudos to you for thriving n regardless.

~*Miss A*~ said...

I agree with Crystal! He wasn't a good father to you, he seemed to be an absent father. However, when you become a father, vow that you will be a better father & a better MAN than your father ever was!

MaryBeth said...

That really caused me to gasp.That is awful that, that happened to you. But it obviously had an impact on you because you're trying to be a much better man than who your sperm donor was. Becasue that is exactly who he was. Anyone can be a father , it takes someone special to be a daddy. and of course you still love him, we all love our parents..just doesnt mean we have to like who they are

HeavenBlessing? said...

this is a crazy story

jeez louise

OmegaRadium said...

Wow...I couldn't imagine what that would be like. I'm looking forward to part 2.

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

What a heartbreaking story. I'm sorry that you had that sort of experience at such a young age. It's really brave of you to share that out in the open with all of us.

Retromus-ik said...

Wow. It's sad that your dad never stepped up to the plate and be there for you. Far too many can relate to this. I agree with Crystal, "Let that be your fuel to be a great father" if you so choose.

Lady A said...

Awww, pookie bear! You are not the only one dealing with this. U must first allow time and GOd to heal u. Then clarity and answer will come.
Look at it this way, it could have been worst.

Mika's Thought's... said...

Thanks for sharing this. I hope you continue to do well and strive for the best. If you haven't already try to reconcile and be at peace with yourself and don't hold any grudges or anger. It's so funny and ironic at times when we reflect on our past especially tough issues like this...I am sure you will break this cycle and be an extraordinary dad.

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