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Sunday, July 19, 2009

Competition could be good for relationship but the reverse is also true.

We're all exposed to some form of competition from our earliest childhoods. We competed with our siblings for our parent's affections, we competed with our classmates
for the teacher's attention and we competed in sports or academic events. In our adolescence, we continued to compete for college scholarships or spots in an athletic team. We even competed for the attentions of members of the opposite sex. All these I guess is left up to the way you were raised. As someone family are more laid back and less competitive. But in my family you have to be the best. Or at least act like you are.
This competitive spirit often serves a positive purpose- it keeps us motivated to improve ourselves by occasionally comparing our own skills against others. But sometimes competition brings on situations where we get so caught up in the pursuit of 'winning' that we lose sight of the benefits of not winning. This is one of the dangers couples face in romantic relationships.

It would be nice if we could completely switch off our competitive urges, but we can't. Two individuals meet, often under competitive circumstances, and a complicated cycle of ambition and compromise often begins. In a sense, the meeting itself is a result of competition. One or both partners took the initiative and successfully pursued someone who may have been seen as a 'prize catch' by others. Thus a romantic relationship already begins with a sense of achievement through competition.
Sometimes a competitive spirit can bring out better qualities in both partners. Each individual accomplishment promotes a positive sense of 'if she can do it, so can I'. Romantic partners can provide each other with a tangible example of what ambition and drive can do. Someone who tends to remain on the sidelines while others move forward may find the resolve to improve himself or herself. In the most positive sense of competition, demonstrating your own ambition might spur a romantic partner to break out of a slump and become more energized. The only caveat would be to realize when you're being constructively competitive and when you're being recklessly driven by ego. Romantic partners may appreciate each other's competitive natures, but one may begin to build up resentment if the other is constantly away for contests or career-boosting.

You guy maybe wondering what lead me to writing this. Its also a combinations of things one I think my focus on achieving has be so much so that it lead to me being single for the longest while and it has also damage some relationships I had. Second is that I recently had an exam and I tweet about my score compared to my friend score and someone reply that it was plain arrogance. But I begged to differ.
We both went to the same class did the same exams, he got 97 and I got 93 so I was saying that I was pissed and that warrant the repose of arrogance. I know we are all from different backgrounds and cultures. But for me and my college friends it was not seen as arrogance it was plain competition, which was advantageous to all of us as we kept each other on point. For some just passing an exam is completely fine but for other mastering the subject matter and showing that in the form of performing well in an exam on the subject matter is way more important, which so happens to be the way I am.( friends also)

I know that my competitive sprit has its Disadvantages (In Relationship)
As competition left unchecked can lead to conflict. An issue that may be readily resolved with a little compromise may escalate to a full-blown battle instead. The idea of being proven wrong or having to settle for second place is not always a good thing for competitive personalities to consider. Winning the argument becomes more important than reconciling the facts which prompted it; this is where I think compromise and just plain right walking out the house at times come in handy.
Not suggesting that I am running away from the problem at hand but at times facing the problem when a person is upset is not in all cases the right thing to do. For me I really hate arguments as it never solves one thing. It ether lead to some plates been broken or laptop been slammed to the floor, which will cost to be replaced.

This is where I think knowing when to let go and compromise comes in. but on the other hand I really hate to hear people talking bullshit. Most recent is Michael Jackson, the media said that Michael Jackson was 450 million in debt, some people find that hard to believe or I “cant believe where did all of his money went” not taking into consideration that the guys estate is worth more than the debt that he has. They instead take it as he is broke. For most of us if we should die will die with debt weather it be the mortgage on the house the car note, credit cards, this however does not mean that your life insurance does not amount to more than your expenses. I think people should not just listen to the media for talking point but research with they are talking about because it shows ignorance. This is one of my recent arguments with a guy that I was not willing to compromise on, as he was saying that MJ died broke.

Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your belief in yourself. Robert Collier

6 comments:

Coogie Cruz said...

Unlike you I wasn't raised to be the best or act like it, like you pointed out. I was taught that there will always be someone who was better than you at some things, you will be better than others at some things and so forth. But anyways, I really did find it arrogant which is why I said that. I rather be judged an graded on my character than a number or a grade. And I am not saying this because I did bad in school, far from it but when ppl asked I would just say "I passed". No need for the details.

Unbreakable said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andhari said...

"one may begin to build up resentment if the other is constantly away for contests or career-boosting."

Indeed, i try to tone down my competitive nature when it;s in a relationship. Of course there are times I'm thinking that I can do things my bf can do equally as good / better but I don't really say it maybe. Same things work with best friends.

Unbreakable said...

@Coogie Cruz Well we differ in the way were raised as we are from two diff culture and background. I for one believe if you raise a kid telling them that someone will always be better than them they won’t be as motivated. Maybe I am wrong but that just my belief. Maybe it has worked in your case which is great. The feeling a kid get from knowing her/she is the best I think drives them to work harder and achieve more while on the other hand if they feel as though someone will always beat them they will say why do I even try, that girl/guy will beat me anyways.

If we all believe that someone will always be better that we then I don’t think we will achieve anything in life, or as much as we could. Example Obama would not be President if he did not think he was the best candidate.

Sometimes just believing in yourself gets the job done, even though the next guy could be more qualified that you are.

With all that said, I am not implying that no one will be better than you, as we are not all genius at all we do.

Still love you wink wink

Coogie Cruz said...

This is interesting because knowing I was the best or could be actually discouraged me. Anything I was good at, I hated and got bored with. I wanted to always challenge myself. Great at tennis, hated and quit the team. Horrible at softball, LOVED it. I can play seven instruments, hate them all but when I had to take music I picked the TUBA. Yes, the tuba. I wouldn't study for a test and get a 97 tell my dad proudly I didn't study. He would of course say if I did I could have got a 100 and not a 97. I didn't care though I was too busy trying to figure out other shit I didn't know or "saving the world". But still love you too, lol.

OmegaRadium said...

Each of my parents had their own parenting styles. My mother, the typical Latino woman, would constantly taunt me, threaten me with future poverty, and would even make sound effects mimicking a mule anytime I did poorly on a test or report card. The Spanish word for mule also means dumb...what a great environment to grow up in.

My father, a high school teacher, took a different approach. Instead of criticizing me for a low grade, he'd sit me down and ask me what happened or why I performed poorly. He'd then help me study to improve my score for the next test.

My father was always in "teacher mode," constantly explaining the function/meaning/purpose of anything we encountered out of the norm. Its because of him I started to take apart everything electronic around me to learn how it works.

While I was never taught to "be the best" or told "someone will always be better than you," I grew up knowing that with the right amount of effort, I could conquer anything...or end up being called a Spanish Mule. :P

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