Longing for that special feeling of love:

I may appear to be happy to all but that’s just a front, I find that whenever I am around people I get really comfortable and they are normally drawn to me. But then I wonder if that’s the case why am I still single and why do I get lonely at times?

I have a great network of friends so there is never a dull moment, but there comes a time when I need that special one to spend time with. Just to take a walk in the park, or go play tennis, or even go biking. That void in my life at time makes me wonder about the bad thing’s I have done in the past. (Not that bad)

I wonder if I had lived in a small town where there are not so many options if I would have just settled for what is there. Does living in the City create a confusion of choice? Does it give you the free way to just give up due to the fact that you know someone will come along very soon? Or at least so you though, until your living in your apartment for 2 years with no one to share the fun with.

O well that’s just how I am feeing or was feeling until I got a text message a friend inviting me to GREAT ADVENTURES this weekend…..so now I am snapped out of that feeling.


Look me up on twitter@www.twitter.com/jackostain

Dear shoes, I Love You

(Just took a look at you and saw your name for the first time (ball band))


On the August the 25 2006, I was invited to an interview with no shoes to wear and only one suit at the time very broke. I had one last $20 bill which was more than likely given to me. So I though to myself what can I get for this in a shoe to wear to an interview. First thing that came to my mind was go get some food with that twenty and relax, there is no way you can get a shoe for twenty bucks.

This time I was living in Brooklyn, so I decided to take a walk on flat Bust Avenue to see what I could get on my feet. At the corner of Flatbush and Farragut was a store the name can’t recall at this time. I ran in saw that they had some really affordable shoes and I felt content with my twenty bucks, tried on a couple expensive ones first, don’t want to look too cheap now, at the same time I made sure to take up the one I liked and tried on as well.

The sale rep ask me which one I wanted I told him I cant make up my mind as these are two good looking shoes. He said well you have to choose and so did.

I said to him I think ill go with this one it fits perfect, love it!!
He smiled look an me like he wanted to say you cheap bastard.

So after my first time wearing this shoe, I totally fell in love with it, and until this day the 22 of June 22, 2009 it’s my favorite shoe. I have a very wade range of shoes raging from Steve madden, Kenneth Cole, dkny, Calvin Klein, to alfani, but you know what this shoe is still my favorite.

The heels have totally wormed out and the bottom at time feels like I am walking bear footed but I still love this shoe.

In the winter time, when I am skating on ice and my feet wet from your ventilated bottom, I still admire you.

When the doctor told me I need to change that shoe it may give me future back pain I totally ignore because I still love this shoe.

When my mom told me I was a cheap ass bastard and I smiled and said Warren Buffet is also, I remember the 20 bucks that got me these shoes.

When I can’t stand comfortable in the train and I am feeling pain, from the strain on one side of my leg I decided that its time you go. But I will miss this shoe.

I wonder why I feel so attached to this shoe. Is it the sacrifice I made to spend the last $20 bucks I had on this shoe to go to that interview? I don’t know I just love this shoe.

So I decide that I will give this shoe its royal burial this weekend and for that matter I will wear it all week

It’s only right that I don’t publish pictures’ of this shoe to as that’s one of its dying wish.

(Single man know how to have fun My mini cruise vocation.

Woke up 630 to catch my 8 o clock flight to Miami, in order to catch my cruise which will be sailing at 5pm

Garb in a pink dress short sleeve shirt and short white pans with white loafers. It’s raining like crazy in New York and I know people mush have seen me and wondering what the hell am I doing in white pants on a rainy day. If only they knew I was about to be sailing to the Caribbean namely the Bahamas and the coccay island.

As my friend drove me to the airport in my mind was that horrible flight I had on delta which had us stuck on the runway for about 5 hours, and all the fed us was the smallest bottled water I have ever seen along with some peanuts!

Then the air France flight that went missing, forgive me for being such a pessimist but every time I fly I think about the worst that could happen.

I got to the airport the stupid barcode thing they have that suppose to read your passport was for some reason not reading my passport.

Then I walk about 10 minutes thinking I could carry on my luggage , suddenly this lady told me to put it in this iron tray she has, which for me was a first, what it actually does is measure the size and determine if you need to check it in. So off course it was too big, so here I am walking back another 10 minutes to check my bag in, got to the machine only to be told I need to pay 15bucks. I wonder if it was just me or I haven't flown in a long time or maybe its just because I always travel light! If you’re actually fallowing you would have seen that this iron thing was put in place as a cash cow. For the air line, I travelled in January and I brought the same piece of luggage, I carried it on board paid no freaking baggage check fees!! Now an American airline is charging me baggage fees.
After about 2.5hours I was in Miami, the most shocking thing was how hot the freaking sun was, it felt as though the sun was forcing me to the grown.

Got in a so call yellow cab to the port, noticed that the meter is not working. Didn't pay much mind to that, I just had to pay whatever he said. Which was not all that bad just 24bucks? I had already did all my paper works online so got on the boat in less than five minutes after going through security.

This is my first time aboard a cruise ship. Its one of the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, the pools on the deck so dam sweet, the music is great the people are so friendly, so being that I live in New York where the sea water is black I was really happy to see clear sea water. I had to wait for my luggage a little so I went to the bar and ran into this guy I also saw on my flight.

This guy works for a TV station which ill not mention, he was suppose to be going to Venezuela for work, but instead he took his mistress on this cruise. While his wife and job is there thinking he is on his way to work. This guy however is very smart he made sure they didn't share the same seat. This young lady is very beautiful I have to admit, as she also was suppose to be at work but called out to be on the cruise, they both work for the same TV station.

A few hours pass and I went down to my room which was on the seventh deck, my luggage was finally here, got out my chunks and in the pool I went, while there in the pool I met this lovely young lady, she was also from New York. What was funny about this is that if we were ever in New York we would not have met, she actually lives in close proximity to where I live.

We set a sail about 5pm that evening, but this time I was having so much fun I didn’t even realize that the ship was moving, the alcohol on the boat is very cheap, so I got started very early there is bars like on every corner of the 11 deck, with waiter walker by ever 2 second to find out if you want anything. Its just great hospitality, don’t you think or plain as simple a great business idea?

5 Am at morning time we were in the Cocay Island,I woke up about 8o clock catch a bath and head to the 11 deck to have breakfast which was lovely. The view from the restaurant was so beautiful you could see the little Island just sitting there in the large body of water, palm tress blowing from side to side as the wind passes threw them.

I took up the event calendar for the day and already by a quick brose I knew what I was getting into, numero uno Parasailing! i have never done this before always wanted to try it, its cost $95 but what the hell I don’t care it’s a new adventure I always wanted to try and so did.









The second thing I did was took a tour of the island on a skee bike, normally tours are very slow and boring but this was seem like we were running from the FED’S on speed boats in the high sees, it was very informative and fun. I herd they have very beautiful see life and great coral reef so my next even was snorkeling.



So I hurried over to the booth and rented my gears and went through the information session they had, normally you have to swim a while before you see anything eye catching this was not the case here, you could see the beautiful fishes before you even entered the water, with the water being crystal clear.



So I got on my gears headed out and boy I was awed by the beauty, the fishes weren’t running away from you, they were just there swimming in schools, I went a couple feet out and there were sting rays and all sort of fishes I have never seen before. On this island was also a plane recks, it’s not been touch and this is also a beautiful site so see while snorkeling.

I snorkeled for about 6 hour’s before i got out the water , and that’s because I was starving, on the island they had a barbeque the cruise line that is, which all sort of food, so I went got some food and some more alcohol and back in the water, no I just cant have enough of this place.
But before I know it was time to head back to the boat, we had to set sale to The Bahamas at 7, “I don’t want to leave but I got to go right now”, was the song that popped in my head as they announced that the last boat was leaving back to the ship in about 10 minutes .

So I grad my towel headed back to the boat with sun burn all over my face neck and back, o just so you guys know I told my job I was going to the doctor on Friday and dentist on Monday and Tuesday I took a person day off. So here I was well burn up in the sun, thinking what the hell will I tell my manager when I sees me. lol

At 7 at night the boat set sail, there was in party in a club on deck 8 which was the deck my room was also on, I got dress headed over there and this party was surely popping, with all this crazy people and cheap booze you could not expect less. I called over waiter and got started on a couple shots of patron and I went in on the dance floor. We danced for about 7 hours’ the music went off about 7 am in the morning when we arrived in the Bahamas.

Paradise Island, well I have always heard about the Atlantis and I always wanted to visit and so here I was finally, the hotel cost $500 a night to stay but with all those activates on the ground you just can’t complain about the price, I went on a tour of the property saw all sort of sea life, went on a water slide that actually bring you through a shark tanks which was crazy but fun.






Here I was on the final day thinking dam I am going back to work tomorrow, my days in paradise I finally over and I will be heading back to the concrete jungle in a few hours. Then the story I would have to make up for my manager.

10 am the next morning I was in the Miami area got a message from my manger that I need to call him, see I am still at sea but reality is kicking in, I ignored that message as I am at the dentist right at least so he though. In quick succession another one came in more authoritative I was set back as I can’t call by this time I am in the Miami Airport waiting on my flight, what the hell I mistakenly answered and he herd. Flight #D33 heading to New York now loading lol that would be nuts.


I had a great time…..If you have never been on a cruise start thinking about it, its very affordable and you really missing out.

I will be going on one more before the summer it out.







o men i cant be bothered with these pictures they just not coming out good,just click on them to enlarge.sorry i am getting impatient i got a lot more i wanted to share but i have a power point presentation i have to write an present tmrw....i really hope you guys enjoy it.

Being single has its Good Sides TOO

For sometime now I have been reading a couple single hopeless blogs and it has somehow gotten to me, being that I am also single. To me it’s like they are allowing themselves to be swallowed up by singledom(just made that one up lol) that they don’t even get out to enjoy themselves anymore.

I see being single as an opportunity to meet new people and network, that which I have been doing a lot of lately. I am in no way saying that this cannot be done wile your in a relationship, as it’s also possible. I am however a firm believes that when you’re single you open up yourself more to new adventures and more opportunity due to the fact that you don’t have to be thinking about your partners feelings.


A relationship has its advantages and its disadvantages.


Benefits of being single-
1) you don't have to be committed
2) when all your other friends are mad at their man/woman you get to think how you luck do not have to deal with it.
3) Not having to worry about someone cheating on you behind your back

Disadvantages of being single-
1) Wishing that you had someone who like you for you
2) your friends bragging about how much they love their boyfriends/ girlfriends
3) Wishing that you had a boyfriend/ girlfriend so that you could go through the drama of it

Advantages of being in a relationship-
1) Having someone like you and just like you only
2) The feeling when you see them all the time
3) More focus on important things in life
than about it...

These however are left up to the individual, as for me at time’s I get really lonely, but that’s only for a quick second or two, as I always have someone ringing off my phone weather it be my mom, who’s number appears the most in my phone history, or some random friend. I have come to the conclusion that I have chosen to be single as I have numerous girls who are very much interested in me. At time they say I am afraid of commitment which I am afraid I have to disagree, what I am afraid of is not being committed, if ever in life at anytime you find that you’re not committed to at least one thing then something is terribly wrong. Weather it be your school work, your job, your marriage, your blog, relationship etc. Being committed is not my problem I have been committed to my career and its working out so far so good.

Most of my friends are married or in serious relationships, I do attend a lot of their family events, wedding, baby showers, birthday parties and also got to pick up a few at nights when they get kicked out for one reason or the other. I do get jealous at time and then I make sure I snap out of that feeling very quick, I don’t allow it to consume me. It looks all beautiful and great on the surface but I know the hardship they have in their relationships.

Being in a relationship for me is like running a business, a partnership not a sole proprietorship. Whenever it gets’s to the point where one party feels it’s a one man business that’s where the problem comes in. in relationships we have to be selfless and often we are too selfish as humans, "it take too baby" is a very famous slogan that all relationship should fallow, too often we see one person trying to do it all alone and that end’s up hurting the family. We see father trying to work long hours to make sure the family is financially stable and capable of enjoying a better life, when intern he is missing from the home for the upbringing of the kid’s, mom starts to get lonely and we all know where that ends.

It’s important to look at the career a person has and match it up with your qualities and see if it will work for you, before you jump in a relationship. Females get very giddy at times because a guy works a lot of money and has a career that the sounds good to report to her friends and family, but at the end of the day they are lonely in their marriage living in the lavish home all alone or with kid’s husband has to constantly be on the road. These are all thing I consider before going in a relationship it may not work for all but sure it will for me.

Crazy me!

I AM SORRY

To all my readers I have not written due to my inability to type. I am suffering from severe pain in my right arm my doctor said it was carpal tunnel syndrome.

What is carpal tunnel syndrome?


Carpus is a word derived from the Greek word "karpos" which means "wrist." The wrist is surrounded by a band of fibrous tissue that normally functions as a support for the joint. The tight space between this fibrous band and the wrist bone is called the carpal tunnel. The median nerve passes through the carpal tunnel to receive sensations from the thumb, index, and middle fingers of the hand. Any condition that causes swelling or a change in position of the tissue within the carpal tunnel can squeeze and irritate the median nerve. Irritation of the median nerve in this manner causes tingling and numbness of the thumb, index, and the middle fingers, a condition known as "carpal tunnel syndrome."



What conditions and diseases cause carpal tunnel syndrome?
For most patients, the cause of their carpal tunnel syndrome is unknown. Any condition that exerts pressure on the median nerve at the wrist can cause carpal tunnel syndrome. Common conditions that can lead to carpal tunnel syndrome include obesity, pregnancy, hypothyroidism, arthritis, diabetes, and trauma. Tendon inflammation resulting from repetitive work, such as uninterrupted typing, can also cause carpal tunnel symptoms. Carpal tunnel syndrome from repetitive maneuvers has been referred to as one of the repetitive stress injuries. Some rare diseases can cause deposition of abnormal substances in and around the carpal tunnel, leading to nerve irritation.

I will be going to the doctors this week for and X-ray so hopefully I will get some good news, if there is no good news, I will have to turn to vlogging.

See you soon…. I still read yours blog but cant comment as often as I once did, sorry about that also..

Cheater got burn pt 2

I went home that night shut my room door so tight even put on the safety look just in case someone had a key, I cried the night away I could not sleep,what I could not even concentrate I was really torn up. So I decided to give her a call.

“Hey I am sorry” was the first words that came off her deceiving tongue

“Why did you do this to me?”
I asked, I really wanted to know what really happened. Or I should say how did this took place; I wanted to know everything, where, when, how many times, was he better than I was? All the crazy question you ask when you have been ran over by this truck called deceit.

Coming to the realization that the more information I got from her the more it hurts, I hung up my phone up, started asking god, why? Why god why? Why me. Then I remembered that I maybe have imposed this same pain on someone by not being honest.
With all these things running through my mind I herd a voice said forgive her and try to work it out.

I searched for the phone after tossing away after I hung up, found it, thought about it for sometime then gave in to that voice, when I called I could not put my words together, my lips were trembling so bad, my heart was racing and my mind was saying your a crazy son of a gun, what are you really doing.

But I did not listen to my mind my heart won that harm resell so I had to do what the heart said, and that I did, I told her I would forgave her and try to work this out, I really wanted to, I was really in love, if you can forgive someone who cheats that’s how you know you really in love, or that’s how you know or confirms that your truly stupid.

We decided to work on the relationahip but them a little friend visited me by the name of trust, and he asked me a few questions, do you think you can really do this? my heart said yes off course why my mind said there is no way you can stop being so dumb. Yet again I was confused, so I still went with my heart, and I told trust I could do this.

Two weeks went by and I started to think straight, as you know you can’t think too straight when your mind and heart is in a tight struggle, then I was revisited my trust, my mind was about to win this one, my heart was pounding as well but my mind was in demand of this victory.

I came to the realization that I could not trust her one bit, and once trust is gone all is lost, I mean all is really lost, I started getting the feeling of wanting to know where she were every min of the day, this was unlike me, it was a very uncomfortable feeling, I could no longer live like this, I had to get out of this.

So I planned my escape route, school was about to start and studding was a great way to get over this, but then I started thinking about that girl that gave me the kiss, o perfect maybe I could go out with her now, I did like her after all. But little did I know I was in for a rude awakening, when we got back on campus she was pregnant. The guy did not believe in having babies out of wed lock, something that I so happen to believe in also so they did it, they got married.

So here I was like a fish out of water, more confused with only my books to turn to, and that is exactly what I did, I picked up 2 more classes, from five classes to seven even though I had to pay for the seventh one, I did not care, I studied hard very hard maybe too much at times, but I can say it really propelled me to achieve and that I did. I graduated at the age of 20 with my Bachelors in Accounting. In three years instead of four.


It so happen that recently I stumbled on her online we spoke briefly, what I found out was that she still did not have a college degree, she is at the place she was five year ago when we broke up, then I think to myself god knows what’s best, because people who is stagnant is not my type. But I have learnt a valuable lesson from this,” Honesty is the best policy”

Honesty is the cornerstone of all success, without which confidence and ability to perform shall cease to exist.M.K.Ash

I never cheated again……..and so happen to still be single…love to hate it at times